In teaching very young children start with single-step goals; if you set the table, you can skip washing dishes; if you clean house for 30 minutes you can play with friends for an hour. Easily understood payback will focus a child on the task.

A five-year old cannot change the oil in the car, but he can certainly bring Dad the new filter or a wrench. The reward for helping Dad meet his goal is the time they will have to play ball afterward. Children learn that responsibility and privilege go hand in hand, and the next step is having them state the goal.

When children pick up all their toys to earn a bedtime story, or help set the dinner table to have private visiting time with Mom, they are actively completing a goal and earning a reward.

As we grow of course the jobs we can do become more complicated, and our goals also expand in size and cost. Most of us can look back on babysitting, lawn mowing, washing cars, or other chores such as these to earn spending money. When children work for money, they will appreciate having a piggy bank; it is fun counting coins and currency. The money will be more real if it is paid out in cash, and when the bank is empty it is easy to see that more work is needed to fill it up again.

Older children can learn a great deal by having their own checking account. Many college freshmen have not a single clue how to balance a checkbook, write a check, or manage money. This is a great goal for parents; teach your children while they are home to handle money, and you will have given them a skill they will need all their lives. The accounting skills are the same whether done on paper or on-line.

So how best can you teach your child to complete school projects, pass important exams, or train to make the flag team?
When your child starts out on a task which is overwhelming, it will help to remind her how one eats an elephant, i.e. one bite at a time. A local fourth-grade class has to build a medieval castle, which many children, and parents, consider daunting. When faced with such a medieval elephant, it is necessary to have a plan.

How to Eat Your Elephant

Firstly, get a calendar. Mark the due date, then mark the start date, then the half-way date, and the quarter-dates.
Secondly, look at the project; the start and finish are obvious, but you must decide and write down on the calendar date exactly what items constitute the halfway point. Write the tasks on a sticky note, and slap them up there on the calendar.
Thirdly, determine which tasks make up the first- and third-quarter work. Put these two sticky notes on the calendar on their corresponding quarter-dates.

Your large project is now broken into four smaller chunks, and you know the dates on which each of those quarter chunks must be completed. If the work still resembles a baby elephant, break the quarters in half, writing in the dates, then deciding which parts of the work must be completed on each date.

Do keep in mind, if this is your child's work, that it is really theirs! You may check the calendar, but they must check it and know it is their responsibility, not yours. I hear parents saying that school is so hard; the tests are so hard; the math is so hard. How are you encouraging your child to succeed when all they hear is how hard it all is? Tell them it is easy, then teach them how easy it is by helping them make their calendar (later to be called a list of goals) and keep to the tasks.

Yes, it works; and it keeps you and your children from panicking, running overtime, or quitting altogether.
Remember if possible to leave a day once a week where you do not work on this project; but when the work becomes engrossing and you don't want to stop, then keep on going; that is the true joy of learning!

Teach the children to set goals so they can attain their dreams. Most children will want to be firemen, nurses, doctors, policemen; their list will grow all the time they are growing. The first task can be to research a profession, by role-playing, reading, inventing games, whatever is age-appropriate. If Tommy never becomes a fireman, he will still have learned about the career, and appreciate the firemen he meets.

Later, when Tommy seriously considers his future, he'll know the first step is research, and the next step is education, then training. He won't flounder around and quit because he has no clue as to how to proceed.

There will be many people predicting your failure. Don't listen to them. Listen to your own heart. You know what you can do, no one else knows your inner strength and determination. Time is not relevant to the goal, if one's desire is strong. If you give up you fail. If you persevere you will eventually succeed. This is a guarantee.

Goals build strength and character in a person, teaching them to have faith in their abilities. If one does not become a concert pianist, at least one can play the piano and lead sing-alongs with the family. The woods would be very quiet if only the nightingale sang.

Diane Spoehr is a 3rd Dan Degree Black Sash in the ancient Korean Martial and Healing Art of Hwa Rang Do®, with 10 years of experience teaching children and adults of all ages. She has taught many children and their parents how to develop self-discipline, demonstrate courtesy, and achieve their goals. Diane Spoehr is the Head Instructor and Owner of the Hwa Rang Do School of Jacksonville, located in Mandarin and Julington Creek.

Website: www.hwarangdofl.com
Email:   hrdjax@bellsouth.net