by Shelley Tzorfas

Question: My child’s “meltdowns” have become more explosive and embarrassing both in private and in public as he/she has gotten older. I have tried using various methods; I have used behavior modification such as stickers, rewards, and charts, but it does not work. Can you help me with this growing problem?

Answer: Using behavior modification techniques are fine, until more action is necessary. Upon reaching this point, another method is called for.

At this time, all the stickers and rewards in the world do not calm the child/teen down. A more immediate solution can ease the situation.

In the book, The Explosive Child, by Ross W. Greene, the basket A, B, C system is mentioned. To make it simple, basket C is when the child erupts whining, crying, yelling, and using awful behaviors, but not harming others.     Basket B represents more aggressive behaviors, and the child might throw objects.     Basket A becomes violent and may develop into a life threatening situation because the child might injure himself or others, might run into a busy street, or knock someone down.

My experiences with these types of children have enabled me to help other parents learn what kinds of physical symptoms and behaviors lead up to basket C. You want to become aware of what your child does preceding the basket C level. You might notice the child’s breathing changes (they might grunt). They may flex their muscles. Their arms, hands, and legs might become rigid. You might see their face or ears turning red. Some kids will say that they have stomachaches and headaches, and not just to get your attention. They are communicating their pain/anger indicating an oncoming flair-up. Do not ignore these indicators with an explosive child, even though some behaviorists and experts say to disregard these signals. For your already explosive child, it is simply too late.

What you must do is, “do whatever it takes to prevent the initial basket C behaviors.” Simply trying to pressure the already melting-down child may cause a negative reaction. I am not asking you to simply give in to what the child wants at all times: however, I am asking you to acknowledge what sets your child off in order to prevent them from entering into the basket C behaviors.

Obviously this is not the correct approach when teaching a typical toddler or small child. Just giving in to a small child’s wishes and cries is not in their or your best interest. This is directed at the explosive, somewhat older, child who might have ADD/ADHD or be on the Autistic Spectrum Disorder, and any other severe and atypical children.

There are government-run programs for emergencies in all states in which a parent can call for help and a van can be dispatched to the home within 12 hours of the call. The purpose of the van is to bring therapists to help defuse the situation, enabling the family to stay intact. Otherwise some of these kids can end up in treatment centers or locked up. In New Jersey there is the SMILES program and another by the name of C.I.F.A.

You might find yourself in a grocery store at a checkout line by the register. Just as you’re unloading the groceries, your child becomes so disruptive, that you can hear the whispers of the other adults around you. Their judgments that you’re spoiling the child, or that he/she needs a spanking is void of the knowledge that your child might have a medical condition. While it is humiliating, you feel like turning around and apologizing to them, however, your child is getting worse by the moment. At this critical time, you could ask the store manager to put the entire shopping cart into the refrigerator and take the child home. The manager should understand that you might return later that day without the child to pay for your purchases. Simply trying to hurry up and pay at the register may worsen your child from basket C to basket B, and even basket A.

What I am asking you to do is say to yourself, “Is what I am doing working, should I remove him/her from the environment, should I be taking them home, and at the home should I take my child for a walk outside?” In time, you will relearn how to look over your shoulder and take notice of your child’s physical, emotional, and psychological affects. Once you learn how to defuse your child before they erupt, a lot of hope and positive results lay on the road just ahead. Your child will then make progress, whether at home, in school, or camp.

Eventually your explosive child will calm down and get benefits utilizing the more moderate forms of behavior modifications and rewards. The point of the basket system or behavior modification is to eventually have the child innately regulate themselves without needing an external system. One violent ASD child, by age 11, would run into his/her room and shut the door without having to be told that they were punished. Fifteen minutes later the child would open the door and ask, “Is my punishment over now?”

And that, my dear reader, would bring a smile to any parent’s face.   

  ©Copyright Shelley Tzorfas 2009
Articles can not be duplicated without prior authorization.

SHELLEY TZORFAS is the Founder of Specialized Tutoring/Learning Assessments, and has been tutoring students with ADD, ADHD, Dyslexia as well as undiagnosed kids for nearly twenty-five years.
Shelley views Dyslexia as a "processing of information problem, either in the visual, auditory or kinesthetic mode," and strives to educate the general public about learning disabilities.Like other dyslexics, Shelley has had varied, successful careers. These range from appearing on a PBS documentary, and exhibiting artwork in museums. She is currently writing a book on learning differences.
Shelley, nee Gelfman, is a single mother of two boys and lives in New Jersey. She is available for consultation and/or tutoring, and may be reached at her website at www.betterschoolresults.com .Her email is stzorfas@gmail.com , phone number is (908) 735-9053.