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Homeschool Burnout
by Melanie Skelton
Burnout is something we all face as home educators.
We sometimes feel we are spinning our wheels and going nowhere. We may
question our choices about curriculum or just wonder if our children
wouldn’t be better off at school. At these times we must remember why
we chose to teach our children at home and be willing to ask ourselves
why we are burning out.
It seems simple enough to ask these questions, but sometimes we hold
onto habits that end up
contributing to this dreaded feeling of burnout. Often we are not
willing to let go of the very habits that
cause our burnout....read more
I know this because I am guilty. I am an over
scheduler. I think many of us are. We are afraid that if we do not provide
our children with opportunities to play sports, participate in music, perform
theater arts and a hundred other activities I can’t name here, then they will
surely fail. Okay, maybe not fail, but we are sure that we want them to have
all the opportunities we had and more. So I have spent years running from
co-op to sports day to whatever other “great opportunities” come up and trying
to fit school in around them. About this time of year I always start burning
out. I love to be with people and have convinced myself that if I just stayed
home all the time I would surely be depressed. But I’ve learned that is not
true.
If you read my House of Order series in this newsletter you will know
that I realized my life was chaos and I had to fix it. As part of this
process, I figured out that I really needed to learn to stay home more. I
made a conscious effort not to sign up for anything as the school year
started. (It about killed me, but I did it). There were opportunities for
co-ops, art classes, Shakespeare and more. I successfully turned it all down
and stayed home with my children. And an interesting thing happened. Their
learning increased, because they had time to learn. Habits started shifting
and I didn’t have to try so hard to get them to do their school work or
chores. Having basically the same schedule every day meant that they knew
what to expect and were able to get started each morning, sometimes without me
reminding them. We kept Fridays open for trips to the library or other field
trips that might sound appealing, but we have not had an obligation to be
anywhere at a particular time. This has been the best school year we have
ever had. Now, it’s January and for the first time in many years I am excited
about the rest of the school year. The best part is I have been finding time
to write, which is my passion.
At the opposite end of the spectrum though, we can feel burned out because we
are not really accomplishing anything. Have you ever found yourself busy with
things that really aren’t that important when you have a list of priorities
that should be your focus? Finding balance in all parts of our lives will
bring feelings of contentment and accomplishment. Consider how balance in the
following areas might make a difference in your life.
·
Health: Taking care of yourself and doing all you can do to
feel healthy is a critical part of avoiding burnout. Getting adequate rest is
part of this. However, sleeping too long in the mornings because we just
don’t want to get started can bring on feelings of depression just as quickly
as not enough sleep.
·
Housework: Nobody functions well in a messy home. Keeping up
on dishes and clutter will go a long way in avoiding feelings of burnout.
However, if you are doing all the cleaning instead of training your children
to be involved in helping to keep things tidy it’s like shoveling the snow
while the snow is still falling. Back up and train children one area at a
time to be part of the solution. This helps them learn important skills and
frees you up to spend more time helping them in their learning processes.
·
Time: Learn to plan your time using a planner or some other
method so that you can be realistic about your time. Don’t make my mistake in
over scheduling your children in an attempt to make sure they have it all.
That’s not what they need. A planner will also help you to see where you can
fit those projects you didn’t think you had time for and help you to know if
you can accomplish more.
·
Mom Time: This could refer to dads too, but I don’t see them
fall into this the way moms do. It is important to have some down time. This
time might be spent scrapbooking, reading, sewing, exercising or pursuing
other hobbies or interests. The other side of this one is that I see many
moms who live for “Mom Time” and forget that it is supposed to be an “out” not
the main focus. If you do not love being with your children, learn to. I
recently watched a friend with her seven young children at the swimming pool.
Mine are old enough that I sit and watch them from the side now, but her
little ones required her to be in the water with them. If there was anywhere
else in the world that she wanted to be I would never have known it. She blew
bubbles and played games with them until they were all tired, including mom.
She left the pool with a tired, contented look on her face. Remember to take
time for yourself, but don’t forget that your greatest joy will be found in
spending quality time with your family.
Here are a couple final thoughts to keep in mind.
If you are a parent of small children, especially if you have a baby, remember
to give yourself a little more space. Balance takes on a whole new meaning
with little ones. If you have older children, they can be a great help in
giving you a much needed break. If not, find others who can be a support when
you need it. But let me assure you that your will never regret the time you
spend holding your baby and taking care of little ones.
Finally, be aware of conversations and attitudes. Sometimes we convince
ourselves that we are burned out through our own thought patterns or negative
conversations we have with friends. Remove yourself from those situations and
keep moving forward. Find ways to be more positive in your thoughts and the
things you say. Our minds are powerful and we can accomplish whatever we
believe we can accomplish.
Melanie Skelton has educated her six children at home for eight
years. She is the co-founder of Utah Families Teaching at
Home and assists in teaching workshops to empower and help home
educators. She is the web designer for the website, found at
http:
http://www.utahfamilies.net/ and is in the process of
co-authoring a book about home education. This book will
help home educators better understand learning styles, personality
styles and levels of learning. It will teach the reader how
to apply this information to their home school and plan out a
curriculum that will meet the needs of their children.
[ hide article ]
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New Year- New Language-New Benefits for
Your Child
by Beth Butler
Remember those language
learning labs in junior high school? Those labs with headsets, the
classrooms with written workbooks full of verb conjugation and a teacher
who followed a curriculum vs. her students' capabilities combined to
create absolutely the worst (and least) effective method used to teach a
second language. That is why those of us who took languages back in the
days of middle school being called junior high school remember just a
few choice words (and probably
pronounce them incorrectly!)..
...read more
Today, as parents and
as educators, we know the importance of raising our children to be
bilingual. We see and experience this ever-shrinking world of ours and
encounter endless opportunities to test our own bilingual skills. We
know from recent research and the barrage of studies thrown at us that
the secret to success is introducing the new language early in life.
Why, even TIME and NEWSWEEK Magazines ran feature articles on the window
of opportunity to introduce a new language is between birth and around
the age of ten to twelve.
What most of us do not know, however, is how to bring this language
learning into our homes and our daily life. We struggle with the
question of how to find a language program designed for very young
children, will we need to have teaching experience or command of the new
language in order to make the learning successful in our home or our
classroom, and how can we incorporate the second language learning into
our daily routines?
As parents we need convenience in this new language program (we cannot
even find time to read a book some days so make this one fit our daily
life routine please!). Do not give us a manual that we have to read
through in order to help our child (we cannot even get the Sunday paper
read!). We desire a language program created by someone who really knows
children and really knows language learning (we really want something
that provides results and will not drop to the bottom of the toy box!).
And could someone please make it so we do not have to make monthly
installment payments to pay for the language learning program (we all
know how much we spend in the first year of life!).
Parents and educators use the internet more and more to research many
things prior to buying. Try this approach when looking for a language
program for your child. Use your favorite search engine prompting
keywords you might find in the title of this future learning tool for
your child (teach Spanish to child, bilingual DVD, French music CD for
child). Then look for language programs that include visual learning
(68% of the population learns visually), learning with music (what child
do you know who does not love music!), beginning reading in the new
language (subtitles in the DVD, language cards or board books are great
tools) and some type of verbal exchange (even if it involves prompting
the child to speak back to the TV on occasion).
Make certain you are allowed to sample the components of the new
language program on the internet. Most programs allow you to see video
clips and/or hear parts of their songs. Look for a true bilingual method
of teaching for any child who falls between the ages of birth through
ten. Seamless transition from the native language to the new language is
crucial during the first five years of life. Many experts agree that
while the child is still acquiring skills in his native language you
should be introducing the new language alongside the native one. Hearing
only the new, targeted language for a long period of time with no point
of reference will not work as well with children before the age of five.
Make sure the language learning program is affordable and is truly
integrated with several components (not just a video you play over and
over or one CD you listen to time and again). The program should create
a multi-media classroom for your child for his certain ways of learning,
moods and methods of acquiring new information. Look for bright colors,
captivating scenes, easy-to-understand lyrics in the songs and a simple,
engaging presentation that brings the two languages together for your
little one.
Does the company offer support services? Is there a toll free number to
call with live people who really know the language program (or is it
just a call center)? Do they value their customers by offering things
such as a resource newsletter, access to additional teaching ideas via
their web site and follow-up contact? Have families tried these
products, and what testimonials are provided to hear their feedback? How
long has the company been offering these language learning tools, and
how are the creators/owners professionally connected with the early
childhood education field?
All of the factors mentioned in this article combine to provide a great
start to what could prove to be a lifetime of language skills for your
child. Remember, even if you choose Spanish today for your child and she
chooses French later in life, you have given her the head start on
connecting the neural pathways for language learning. Resolving to give
your baby, toddler or preschooler a head start this year on becoming
bilingual should be top on your list of New Year's Resolutions for both
you and your family.
About the
Author: Beth Butler is the founder of the BOCA BETH Program - a fun and easy way
to introduce Spanish to your children. Scoop them up on your lap and sample the
BOCA BETH bilingual music and movies for free at
http://www.bocabeth.com Then order online with your 'herd' discount code
for 30% off any CD or DVD. Call toll free at 1.877.825.2622
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Are You Guilty?
by Seth Prezant
One of my readers recently posted a comment about home school parents
not spending quality (non-schooling) time with their kids. Raise your
hands if you are guilty.
Well then, let’s set some ground rules and make immediate changes
since we all agree that our children are the most important thing.
Right? Oh no. There are no “buts” about it. If your kids are the
most important thing than why the excuses for not spending the time THEY
need with you outside
of “class” time.
...read more
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard parents say things like,
“I know I should spend more time with my kids but…my kid sees me all
day, lives in a beautiful house in safe neighborhood, has all the
luxuries I never had, and is not denied anything!”. YES, YOUR CHILDREN
ARE DENIED YOU! Remember, kids need the basics. It’s only when you get
older that you get complicated. Kids need food, shelter, clothing ($80
sneakers don’t count), and parents to love them, guide them, comfort
them, discipline them, acknowledge them, and teach them.
I do
Creepy Crawly Bug Adventure shows at South Florida schools. I teach kids
about nature, exploration, and bugs! When I do my shows for after-school kids,
on my way out I always, always see parents picking up their kids while they are
talking on the phone. These kids haven’t seen their parents since 7:30AM and
it’s now 6PM!
First rule, when you are with you kids be with your kids. No
phone. If it’s an emergency the person calling can always dial 911.
Second rule, if you are not having at least one real family
sit-down meal with your children, at home, you are sinning. I am not sure of the
technical name for this sin is but it is a sin. Say grace, say a prayer, say
something that shows you are slowing down to appreciate this meal and time with
each other. Listen to your children talk about what is on their mind (don’t
judge – just listen), laugh a lot, blow bubbles in your drink, make a fruit
salad together and let the juice drip down your face.
Third rule, you don’t need to plan big events and special
places to go on the weekends. Kids are always being ushered from one place to
another, from one commitment to another commitment. Try doing nothing special
and special things may happen. No, don’t just sit around watching TV. Go to a
park and walk around. See who can find the most butterflies, dragonflies,
squirrels, or spider webs. See who can kick the same rock for the longest time
or start a little camp fire, find some sticks, add marshmallows (remember those)
and roast away. Your kids will forget the big things you find important but they
will always remember how you both ate those marshmallows in the middle of a
Sunday at the park.
Fourth rule, get your kids outdoors. Since your kids are
already hooked on the remote control babysitter you just can’t pull the plug on
the T.V. How about a project that takes their attention away from the box. Tell
your kids you need help with a project. You need them to go outside and find two
small twigs, three medium sticks, and one big one. You can do this with rocks,
leaves, the ideas is to get them exploring. Guaranteed they will come back with
everything you request.
What do you do with the rocks and sticks?
Fifth rule, kids learn creativity from their parents. Be spontaneous.
Ask them what to do with the items. Paint them. Glue them. Stick them in a pot
and cook them, really. The idea is to have fun, be silly, and they will learn
the good things from you instead of the garbage on the streets on TV.
Mea culpa. It means “I am guilty”. So make the change now.
Have a creepy crawly day!
Seth Prezant is the founder and Bugmaster of
www.CoolBugStuff.com
.
His award winning web site was created to help promote fascination and education
in science using nature’s most abundant creatures…Bugs! Seth is a true EEE
(Education & Entertainment Entrepreneur) providing educational and entertaining
nature shows for schools, camps, aftercare programs and home school groups all
around South Florida. The Bugmaster can be reached @
seth@coolbugstuff.com
You can find many more easy parent/child projects to do together on Seth's
website
www.coolbugstuff.com.
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Home Education on the Run: An Introduction
by
John Bizelli
First, I
hope that your holidays were full of wonderful memories. As we jump into
the New Year
I would encourage you to jump into your car and embark on a
learning adventure that you and
your family will cherish forever. This
introduction will be the first segment of a twelve part series
titled
“Home-Education on the Run”. Although the focus will be on education
levels 6th -12th,
there will be bits of advice for the younger travelers in your family as
well..
...read more
Throughout the series we will cover such topics as: Learning on the
road, on the rail, in the air, on the water, in a hotel, planning your
trips, how to immerse yourself and you children into the learning
experience of life-time, what to do when leisure turns into stress, and
some great ideas for some fun activities when you return home.
Knowing your
child’s most effective learning style will be important during this series
because you will want to tweak our shared experiences to fit your child’s style.
If you do not yet know your child’s learning style a quick free online test will
help you determine it. I will be writing tips that touch on all styles at one
time or another but as you well know... if I give a tip relative to a visual
learner and your child is an auditory learner you will have to modify the
style to fit your child.
There are several
sites that do a wonderful job of explaining learning styles so that you can
gauge your child’s style for yourself. The first place I would do a search is
right here within the HERD site. If you cannot find a resource for learning
style identification here, web-search the keywords “Children’s” “Learning”
“Styles”. Remember that you don’t have to pay for this wealth of information. If
you stumble across a site that asks you to take a quick test and then wants a
fee in order for you to review the results, click your back button and select
another from your “search results” page.
The next time you
are ready to pack your bags, don’t forget your brain. Of course you will bring
it, but don’t forget to feed it. February’s segment title will be “Learning
on the Road” where we will discuss the dreaded 12 hour car ride. To view
past segments of this series please
CLICK HERE
If learning is FUN… Then fun should be EDUCATIONAL
John Bizelli is a Geospatial Information Systems Analyst and a
home-educating father of 3 teens. So it was only fitting that he and his wife
Pamela would start a travel company with an emphasis on education. Visit
www.MyGetawayPlan.com
and click on
“Education Travel” to find out more about accredited education
programs at sea such as “The Scholar-Ship”, an academic program
hosting both undergraduate and postgraduate students on
semester-long voyages around the world. Also if you’re a Doctor, Nurse, Lawyer,
or Dentist you will want to find out about our CMEs - Continuing Education
Accreditation while traveling.
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Getting Kids and Cash to Travel by Bicycle
by Becky Douglas
This is the fifth in a series of articles
about youth bicycle travel. The articles cover all aspects of developing
and executing a bike trip for kids, and are based on Adventure Cycling
Association's Pedal Pioneers
Guide, a detailed handbook for bicycle travel with kids.
Bicycle travel gives
you and your child an opportunity to plan and implement an adventure
that will
continue to feed you both, mentally and physically, for years. As you
plan your bicycle trip, you will need
to create a trip proposal, recruit participants (including your own
child!), keep them interested, and
secure enough funds to make your trip a success.
...read more
RECRUITMENT
Involving your child and others who will be joining you on your overnight bike
trip in planning and organizing will turn a “road trip” into an “educational
trip”. Whether it is a family trip or a group trip, you have to recruit
participants and keep them excited until take off! Even a family overnight trip
requires commitment from everyone involved if you want to make it both enjoyable
and a true learning experience. Sharing the pleasure that comes from bike
riding, getting buy-in to the theme of the trip, and teaching the skills of
riding and camping are all part of the preparation that also create learning
opportunities. When your child is fully involved, it can make a few days on the
bike so much more than just a bicycle trip.
RETENTION
Once
you’ve got kids who are interested in joining you and your child on a tour, you
need to maintain their enthusiasm until departure day, which can sometimes be a
year out. A weekly training ride, outings (either on or off the bike), phone and
email contact, and planning sessions are all tools for participant retention.
Communication should be made with the parents of the other home schoolers as
well.
TRIP
PROPOSAL
Depending on how you plan on funding a group trip, recruiting participants, and
handling liability, you may want to create a trip proposal to be shared with
target supporting groups. Even if you are not required to have a proposal, going
through the motions of building one can help create a solid platform for you and
others to advocate for a group tour, giving you material for future
presentations, recruitment, and funding requests. Including key partners in the
creation of your trip proposal will help you to know what resources you have and
which ones you need. Parents will likely be the toughest critics, so be sure to
look at the trip from their point of view as well.
In a
group trip proposal, you will want to establish:
• The goal of your trip
• The leadership structure
• The route
• Liability and emergency issues
• Where you will stay
• How you will deal with food
• Who will provide equipment
• The level of community support
• Information on financial support and needs
• Pros and cons of bicycle travel with youth
Coming
up with your own “pro trip” and “con trip” lists will provide you with "sound
bites" to use in explaining your trip to family and friends. In the “pro trip”
list, you can include benefits such as physical health, mental and emotional
development, and hands-on learning. The “con trip” list is an opportunity for
you to brainstorm about any objections that you may get throughout the planning
process, including safety and financial concerns.
FUNDING
Your
family may have funds set aside for adventures like this so funding is not a
concern. For a group trip, this is a rarity, and we celebrate your fortune. For
many, however, finding funding for a trip can feel like a barrier. Do not fret -
your community wants to help make a group trip happen. Businesses, youth groups,
and parents are often looking for ways to help young people have unique,
positive experiences. Be creative and don’t hesitate to ask people throughout
your community for monetary or in-kind help. You may be surprised at the
results. For a group trip, these efforts require a large investment of time and
a lot of coordination. Be honest about what efforts will most benefit your
trip.
If you
are working with or within a specific group, there may be funding available from
the organization for part or even all of your tour.
Fundraisers act both as a way to spread the word on group bike trips and
supplement trip costs. Examples include selling a product, like T-shirts;
raffling off goodies; or holding an event like a bike ride or spaghetti dinner
with a silent auction. You can get creative and involve your partners. Also
involve the local media to let others know about your trip. A press release
about your trip and a special invitation to a television or newspaper reporter
can result in great exposure for your tour, and a lot of learning for your
child.
There
are thousands of organizations that have direct funding and in-kind donation
programs. Many of them are focused on youth, the environment, and/or public
health. Youth bicycle tours encompass all three of these, and applying for grant
support for a group bike trip can help finance a one-time tour. Writing grants
is a big-time commitment and the competition is stiff, but the payoff can be
great for you and the kids. It is time to think out of the box. Any group trip
expenses, from bike helmets to breakfasts, are all opportunities for your
community to support youth cycling.
Now
that you have your trip proposal ironed out, some kids excited to ride, and your
finances squared away, you are halfway there to prepping for your epic bicycle
adventure!
Throughout this series of articles, we will be referring to the vast cycling
resources that already exist in North America. The articles should be
supplemented with other resources that address bicycle safety, camping skills,
and group dynamics if you are traveling with several kids. Happy bicycle
travels!
Becky
Douglas is the Outreach and Education Coordinator at
Adventure Cycling Association. Thanks to Kerry Irons for his help in writing
this article. The mission of Adventure Cycling Association is to inspire people
of all ages to travel by bicycle. They help cyclists explore the landscapes and
history of America for fun, fitness, and self-discovery. Becky is the
administrator of the
Pedal Pioneers Program, which aims to inspire and empower adults who are
taking kids on overnight bicycle adventures. She is also the author of
Pedal Pioneers: A Guide to Bicycle Travel with Kids and can be reached at
outreach@adventurecycling.org.
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Earn $500 An Hour for College
by Jean Burk
Many parents graduated from college with debt. A rough set-back for
young people just starting out in life. Those same parents who’ve made a
decision to homeschool face another dilemma about college money. Since
they generally have one-income, this leaves very little left-over funds
for college savings. So when it comes to paying for their own children’s
college tuition, families seem to have very few options.
...read more
1. 50% of tuition is usually
secured by a student’s parents through loans.
2. 40% of tuition comes from
grants and are given to students based on need and are on a first-come basis.
3. Less than10% of college money
comes from scholarships.
Students may work during the summer or part-time during the
school year, but are usually only able to save a small fraction of their college
tuition. But, there is a way that can totally revolutionize the way a family
looks at this seemingly insurmountable hurdle of earning money for college.
If families realize that scoring high on the PSAT/NMSQT and
SAT tests can bring incredible scholarships, (even free college) they can then
make them a high priority. By understanding the importance of learning
test-taking techniques and then practicing with them, students can put in the
needed time and hopefully reap some amazing benefits.
- Students will need to get a good understanding of the
steps to success on taking the SAT and PSAT/NMSQT tests
This could
take around 10 hours.
. 2. Take an SAT prep class that emphasizes shortcuts
and logical ways to answer the questions.
This could take around 10 hours.
3
Learning ACRONYMS can help students remember the steps to success for
each section. (Notes are not allowed in the testing facility.)
This can
take around 5 hours.
3
Practice taking 25 actual College Board tests. (over 3 hours each) Use
the test-taking strategies to find the hidden patterns on these standardized
tests.
This will
take about 75 hours.
- Spend 2 hours studying and correcting mistakes on each
practice tests you’ve taken.
This will
take around 50 hours.
This totals around 150 hours. If a student were to
receive a $75,000 scholarship, it is like earning $500 an hour for college.
If a student starts learning this information as a
freshman, he or she could spend around 10-15 minutes a day or an hour a week
practicing. Sophomores starting this could spend about 30-45 minutes a day or a
few hours a week. Juniors who are getting ready for the October PSAT could
daily spend around two hours practicing. Seniors should be working on this test
several hours a week since this year will be their last chance to master the
SAT.
Obviously, the longer a student waits to start working on
the PSAT and SAT, the less time he or she has to improve and the more time they
will need to practice, but the rewards of making these tests a priority can be
life changing. Not only is graduating debt-free one of the great benefits that
students can realize with a high test score, but also the fact that they can
leave a legacy for their own children.
For more
information visit
www.collegeprepgenius.com or contact Jean Burk at
info@collegeprepgenius.com Also sign-up for our free No Brainer
Scholarship Newsletter.
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Wonderful Ways to Develop Friendships
Within Your Own Household:
Teaching Children to Turn Siblings and Family Members into
Friends
by Diane Spoehr
“Mom, he’s lookin’ at me!”
“I was not looking at him!”
“Yes, you were!”
“No, I was not.”
Oh yes, how many of us have heard these classic
lines in our own home! It sounds like a TV comedy skit, and it’s funny
until it’s going on in our family room. How about this old favorite:
“This is my side of the seat; you get back over on your own side.”
...read more
Or this one:
“He touched my stuff; I told him not to touch my stuff!”
“I did not touch his stuff.”
“Yes, he did!”
“I did not!”
Sounds like a repeat of the first skit, doesn’t it? They
all repeat, and these lines of argument between siblings are nothing new but
they need to be something old and forgotten before they drive the parents to
distraction.
So how are we parents going to stop the instant replay of
the arguments we all remember from childhood? How can our children become
friends and treat each other with respect, learning to stop themselves when they
get into one of these classic spats?
It is possible to grow up in a household where these
“discussions” are rare, or maybe (hopefully) even non-existent. But first we
need to remember that no two people are exactly alike, it is very unusual for
two people living in the same household to get along perfectly well every moment
of every day, year in and year out. Normality means that there will be
disagreements and arguments, but those don’t have to escalate into all-out
battles, or result in splitting siblings apart. We need to remember that if our
kids fight at times, this is normal, but there have to be sensible limits to how
fights are handled, and there has to be peacemaking. “Fighting” can be
disagreeing, it does not need to be hitting, kicking, or that old favorite,
pinching! It takes parents to explain not only what the limits are, but why the
limits are there; no one wants to end up hurt and crying, and it hurts a child
as much to cause these conditions as to suffer them.
The old saying “blood is thicker than water” is very true.
Our family is the first line of defense in a world that often is tough and can
be unkind. But it does not require actual blood, sharing of the gene pool, to
make a family. There are now, and always have been, families composed of
siblings, cousins, step-children, adopted siblings, half-siblings, etc. The
family ties that are created by living together and growing, learning, and
caring for each other are the bonds that last a lifetime. In a family with one
child there are still cousins, special friends or neighbors who take on the
value of siblings for the child.
The love of family begins with the parents, and children
learn to care for each other by watching their parents, and by being the objects
of their parents’ love. Some kids are of course more loving than others; some
kids show their love by bopping their little brother in the head a few times a
day, others show it by kissing, or hugging the baby until her eyes bug out! Love
is sometimes demonstrated a bit roughly by children.
When a parent is confronted by this overwhelming show of
affection it could be the time to explain the reasons why more than one child
belongs to the family, and how love given away grows, and has no boundaries, so
that a parent can love each child even more than before. Love each child the
best, and tell each one why you love her the best. Erma Bombeck once wrote an
article on this subject, telling each of her children the reasons he or she was
her favorite. If your kids don’t understand how they can each be your favorite,
let them try to choose between their two most loved stuffed toys, or any two
things you know they love equally.
When you talk about loving each other, being together for
life, watching each other’s back, and showing trust, brotherhood, and loyalty to
the family, your children listen. We all wonder at times if these lessons are
sinking in, but kids’ brains are like sponges, and they have metal traps for
memories. They remember the good things we tell them, and if we are not careful
they will quote these things back to us when we least expect it!
Some practical tips for helping children to be friends are
always useful, even in the most ideal families. Here are some ways to put the
words above to everyday use.
Having kids help each other, but giving them each some
space and time of their own will teach children to work together. If a task is
too difficult for one child, or one child knows how to do the work better and
can help the other to learn, let the kids know that. Their time is valuable,
and children really do not grasp that there is more time ahead; they think this
is all they have, so let them know their help is appreciated. Of course this is
a great opportunity to mention that as a family we help each other and we stick
by each other, so that none of us has to struggle through hard times alone.
It is sensible to have an older child be responsible for
the younger one when you are occupied or absent, but give her some time to be
free of responsibility, so she won’t begin to feel she’s the parent. When the
elder child is responsible for the younger ones, they all must understand that
the younger child owes respect to the elder, but the elder must earn that
respect. It’s always a two-way street, and if everyone involved realizes that in
the end each one is responsible for their own behavior, then there is more
likely to be peace. Here is another time to explain how families watch out for
each other, and so keep each other safe.
When we were kids, I remember wanting to play with my older
sister and her friends because they were all so cool, and had the best ideas,
and made up the best games. Mom would tell them to let me into the games
sometimes, but she did not always allow me to be following the older girls
around. There were days when I had to go entertain myself. As usual, Mom was
correct. There needs to be a balance of having all ages together, and then
allowing the children to be with their own group. Kids will learn cooperation,
and learn to appreciate each other when they know they will be given time to do
things with all the different social groups.
It is never too early to start teaching children to love
each other, and never too late to start making friends within your own family.
The family is our first and most valuable source of lifelong friendship and
trust. Take time now and then to tell your children that they love each other
and you love each of them. After all, who among us ever tires of being told we
are loved and treasured.
Diane Spoehr is a 3rd Dan Degree Black Sash
in the ancient Korean Martial and Healing Art of Hwa Rang Do®, with
10 years of experience teaching children and adults of all ages. She has taught
many children and their parents how to develop self-discipline, demonstrate
courtesy, and achieve their goals. Diane Spoehr is the Head Instructor and Owner
of the Hwa Rang Do School of Jacksonville, located in Mandarin and Julington
Creek.
website:
www.hwarangdofl.com
Email:
hrdjax@bellsouth.net
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Parenting Teens
by
Maria Wojtczak
Parenting a teenager can
be rewarding and challenging at the same time. Many teens "look" like
adults
and we in turn tend to treat them as if they were adults, however brain
research tells us they do not have
the capacity to "think" like adults. The frontal lobe - the part that
weighs risks, makes judgments and
controls impulsive behavior doesn't fully develop until age 25. In fact
for males, it may develop as late as
age 29. So, what are the implications of placing the responsibility of
driving in the hands of a teenager?
What it tells me, a parent of a teenager, is that this is a time when I
need to be diligent and make decisions
that are in my child's best interest. This will not always translate into
decisions that make her happy..
...read more
Driving is a
privilege that must be earned. Just because a teenager turns sixteen does not
automatically "entitle" them to a license. Unfortunately, some teens and even
some parents believe it is an entitlement. Boundaries and rules need to be
discussed and set early in the process, before they get their permit and most
certainly before they get their license. Ask a teenager what a license means to
them. The answer usually is "freedom." Ask a teenager where they will be able to
go once they get their license the answer usually is "anywhere." As parents it
is our duty to insure that our children are prepared for the road ahead. Driving
is probably the last life skill that we impart to our children. Why then, do we
approach it so nonchalantly? Have you ever thought about the amount of time you
took to research a car seat when they were a baby or the bicycle you bought them
when they were toddlers or the gymnastics or soccer program you put them in when
they were in middle school? Yet, when it comes to preparing them to drive we
don't always make wise choices. We make convenient choices. What's easiest,
what's the least time consuming, what's the minimum requirement?
If you've
been on our web site you may have downloaded "What's YOUR Parenting Style?"
Jeanne Fletcher of the Lisa Johnson Foundation created this document. Jeanne
lost her daughter Lisa to a fatal car crash in January 2003. Jeanne also started
the Lisa Johnson Foundation as a means to provide parents and teens with
important information regarding driving. The parenting styles helps us take a
look at how we approach our teen's driving but it can also be a window on how we
approach a lot of decisions when it comes to our children. It is a mirror of
sorts.
Lee Iacocca
wrote a book entitled "Where Have All the Leaders Gone?" I would ask the same
question about parents. We seem to have swung the pendulum where we went from a
generation of parents that may have been "too harsh" in their parenting style to
a generation of permissiveness. We need to remember that our role is to be
parents, not friends. They have plenty of friends. What they need are parents to
be their compass, their guide, their teacher and most of all to prepare them for
a life journey. Driving is one of those life skills that need to be approached
with careful thought and planning. The risk of not approaching it that way is
far too high. Our children's lives are at stake if we don't.
Maria
Wojtczak is the owner of DrivingMBA and is responsible for marketing and the
operation of the organization. DrivingMBA is a unique driver tutoring program
geared towards better preparing teenagers for the responsibility of driving. To
learn more about DrivingMBA visit the web-site
www.drivingmba.com. Before Maria and her husband Richard, opened Driving
MBA Maria worked as a consultant for over 20 years in the field of organization
development working with a wide range of organizations. In addition to the use
of traditional organization development techniques, she is highly skilled in
large systems change and organization learning, with formal training in both
specialties. She has extensive experience in the field of adult learning
concepts, and in the design and facilitation of adult learning experiences.
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